glimmers of hope

Tonight was a good night.  Sean and I got to speak with Dr. Bartlett's physician assistant, Heather. Dr. Bartlett is a surgical oncologist in Pittsburg who speicalizes in PMP.  My mom found a website on HIPEC that offered free phone calls for people wanting information on HIPEC and ironically Dr. Bartlett was on the page.  He is one of the Dr.'s I have been interested in interviewing.
I wasn't sure if the conversation was going to be basic and nonpersonal or if she was going to allow me to  tell her about my specifics and ask some questions pertaining to me.  Luckily the first words out of her mouth was "tell me what's going on".  I tried to give her all of the relevant information from my first pathology from the appendectomy in November, the 2 different scans I had, blood work, and the 2nd surgery and pathology.  When I told her how large the carcinoid tumor was she didn't believe me. She asked me if it could possibly be a typo!!! (carcinoid tumors in the appendix are typically 1 cm or less when found and mine was 7 cm) She agreed with me that it is a miracle that the carcinoid didn't spread and that all tissue from the hemicolectomy and all 46 lymph nodes removed were clear of all disease.  It is a miracle.  We spoke a lot about the mucin from the other tumor.  I learned that my appendix technically ruptured. She agreed that if what I told her was true (which is what I've been told by other DR.'s) this was caught early and that there was a strong possiblilty that I am not eligible for HIPEC and get this..... that there's a chance that the pmp will never change.  They have some patients in a similar situation that they've been watching for over 10 years and there's been no change with anything.  She said there's a chance that all of the mucin with the bad cells could be gone.  Now that would be a real miracle.
Watching and waiting is difficult because there's so much unknown but if the next 2 pmp specialist agree with Dr.  Bartlett ( and with Dr. Hodul) that would mean everyone is on the same page and that is what we'll do.  As much as I want this disease gone for good and that I am willing to do HIPEC.... I don't want to do it.  I am literally on a real life rollarcoaster.  The past few days were rough ( from self induced worry and unneccessary anxiety) but I'm feeling good now.
I think about how fortunate I am to have the prognosis that I've receieved, not just from tonights converstaion with Heather but from everything that's happened.  As far as getting diagnosed with cancer I have been beyond blessed with good news.  I am so thankful for everyone who has been praying for me. Please continue to pray that whatever is in my "Belly" never changes or just goes away on it's own.