2 months since diagnosis

Today I met with a group of people who were some way effected by PMP or appendix cancer.  There's a private facebook group for PMP'ers and somehow we figured out there was a large group of us in the Tampa Bay area..... so we got together. Since Sean is a bit out of commision from his surgery, my Mom went with me.  Even though it was nice to meet other PMP patients, it was also really hard. Every one of  the patients had been through the HIPEC surgery, except me.   The woman I sat next to was so amazing.  She was so encouraging.  Unfortunately, she lost her husband almost 3 years ago to this horrible disease.  I feel in my gut that I need this sugery.  How could the itsy bitsy cells not grow into big bad mucin producing tumors.  I feel like the surgery is imminent.  Maybe not tomorrow or next month but I feel like it will be happening. I know I haven't met with a specialist yet, but from the research I've done, hearing from other people on the private FB page and from todays lunch...... I'm feeling pretty sad that I have to endure another, even worse surgery.  I know I didn't need to go to the lunch, but I need to hear I'm not alone.  And even though I feel out of control, everyone said based on what I told them, I was early in this disease.  I just get the wind knocked out of me sometimes.  The only way I can describe it is..... If you've ever had a broken heart.  That feeling of an aching in your chest...... multiply it by 100 maybe 1000..... that's how I feel when I think about what's in store with this disease or that I even have cancer. It knocks the wind out of me.

I sent all of my medical information to Dr. Sardi today. Hopefully he will be able to look it over by the end of next week. I'm waiting to hear what Dr. Blanco has completed, but if he hasn't reached out to Dr. Sugarbaker by the end of next week I will start that process on my own. Apparently Dr. Sugarbaker books out for first appointments (if he even accepts your case) 2 months in advance.  I just want to talk to a specialist about my specific situation.  

Days like today are so tough.  In some sort of non rational way it's actually hard to even look at Ava and Liam.  I just never in a million years thought this could or would happen to me, especially at 31.  I want to be here for my kids and for Sean.  I feel like I will be. It just may be a bumpy road for a bit.