Thursday, October 30, 2014

where's that switch?

I've been in need of that switch.... you know, the one that shuts off your mind.   I'm still over a month away from my next scan but the anxiety is already here.  I am still pretty good at managing these annoying emotions.  It's amazing how far I've come.  However, I'm still human and I still struggle with dealing with my reality of being a cancer survivor and what all that really means.  Just today I thought about a conversation I had with one of my best friends right after I found out my diagnosis and within seconds of the thought, my eyes filled with tears. It's all still so fresh and raw and still BLOWS my mind.  I know that's why I have been feeling concern and worry and anxiety over the upcoming yet routine tests.  I know I'll be ok... that the scans and blood work will be normal......  I just have to get through them.

Life-  oh life has been so great.  I am so happy. So fulfilled.  I feel abundantly blessed and am in awe of how much my life has changed and how so much has fallen into place.  My family and friends are amazing, loving and loyal.  My children are my world.  They are so sweet and fun and they are absolutely the best part of my life.  My new job is awesome.  It's fun and every day is different.  I love my product, my team, my manager and the company.  My new home is coming along.   I have traveled and have some other trips planned.  There are literally moments when I am almost brought to tears (yes, that happens often) because I am so happy.  And it's not just those amazing "big" moments that bring me to tears, but sometimes it's the simplest pink sunset or gorgeous, breezy day.  I just love living and feeling life.  That is the gift cancer can give and I cherish that I get to live the rest of my life truly LIVING,

November 19th will be 2 years.  2 YEARS!!!    It feels like it's been longer yet I can't believe it's been two years already.  I am going to do something amazing that day.  Anyone have any ideas?  If so please share!

That's it for now.