We made it

We are all settled into our little "hotel" right across the street from UPMC Hillman.  I am feeling all sorts of emotions from nervous, anxious, confident, scared and a whole bunch of others.  I've learned that regardless of how I feel, time will go on, Friday morning will be here soon and I'll be finished with the surgery before I know it.  I have an appointment with Dr. Bartlett tomorrow morning.  I'm looking forward to reviewing all of the most recent scans/blood work with him and talking about what our goals for the surgery are. I want to have a clear understanding what he'll be looking for and I want to express my concerns.  It's so difficult to mentally prepare for a surgery not knowing if I'll be under for just a couple of hours with no big incision or if it will be a 5 or even a 10 hour surgery with lots of cutting and heated chemo and a big incision and the DREADED NG tube.  Regardless, I'll get through it.  My mom and dad are here and I have an abundant amount of family and friends supporting me.  (thank you by the way) I am so looking forward to moving on with my life and putting this all behind me .

It was so hard leaving Liam and Ava. Not knowing if it will be 4 days or even longer really was difficult and having to expain what's going on to a 3 and almost 6 year old is really impossible.  Ava seemed to be ok with me leaving.  She's old enough to understand that I'll come back as soon as I can. Liam on the other hand was not happy about me leaving.  He's been having a harder with not seeing me as much in our new life and he was extra clingy and teary after I told him I was going on an airplane. I know he doesn't feel this way, but my fear is that he's feeling like I am abandoning him. My sweet boy, that couldn't be further from the truth.  Those two sweet angels are my biggest motivation to getting home as soon as possible.

I'll update after the appointment tomorrow morning.