I'm still here

Life has been busy.  Work is kicking my butt.  I may have come back a bit too soon as far as my sanity is concerned but I'm getting by.
I've been doing a lot of thinking these days.  I drive a lot more this year with work since my territory changed, which is good and bad.  It's good because I get extra time to myself but bad because I typically spend that time thinking and ruminating about all of the things that has happened or that could happen.  Like I've said in previous posts, I really annoy myself sometimes.
I'm beginning to think I need to take the time to forgive myself for living with this pain for 2.5 years and not demanding answers sooner. I know that sounds silly but deep down inside I'm disappointed in myself that I put myself last..... behind my kids, husband, job, friends and daily craziness.   I keep trying to figure out why I assumed I was fine when I was having horrible, reoccurent pain in the exact same spot of my body.  So, I'm sorting through that emotional rollercoaster right now. Lesson learned though.....RULE NUMBER 1, having pain in the same exact spot, over and over, is not normal!!!!  Never again will I let anyone I know, including yours truly live with pain.

Of course my mind is also preoccupied with those pathology slides that are in the hands of Dr. Bartlett and Heather. I am very curious if they've looked at them yet, but I'm too afraid to call or email.

And Ava has been comlaining of having a headache.  She's complained about 6 or 7 times within the past 2 weeks.  She says her head hurts right on her forehead.  One time she told me she was dizzy.  I'm trying not to give her attention when she says this but of course I am internally panicing.  After going through what I went through... my mind immediately goes to the terrible.  I'm going to ty to get her to drink more water because I don't think she drinks enough during the day.   I'm also going to keep a little journal of when she complains to see if there's a trend.  I'll email or talk to her teachers too to see if she's complaining at school.  I'm sure it's nothing but I'm worried. I'll also be bringing her to the pediatrician early next week to run it by him.