Elsa nailed it

Yes, I'm talking about Elsa from Frozen.  Obviously, unless someone has been living under a rock, everyone has heard the song "Let It Go".  I personally have heard it 100s of times because Ava and Liam request it every time we are in the car and the more I listen to it the more I feel like high fiving Elsa and telling her "you go girl" because she absolutely nailed it.  Just let it go.  Whatever it is...... LET IT GO!   We hold on to things that happen in our life and we carry these burdens along for years.  We build up quite a collection of emotional baggage that sits heavy in our soul.  If only we all learned the lesson of letting go.  How freeing would that be? Imagine living every day with nothing in your heart that brought you memories of hurt, saddness, resentment, jealousy, regret..... any emotion really.   Imagine how cool it would be to really just enjoy life.

Absolutely one of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past 20 months is the art of letting go.  It's not easy.  In fact, sometimes you don't even know you need to let go of something and it isn't until you truly look within yourself (or find a great therapist) that you identify the things inside that weigh you down. I have been working on myself everyday since I was diagnosed.  I'm talking about multiple therapist (each who specialize in different types of therapy), many amazing books, self reflecting, big changes and keeping an open mind to continuing on this journey called life and learning something everyday.

Seriously, check out these lyrics!!

"Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!

I don't care
What they're going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all!

It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me I'm free!

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry!"


Have a beautiful weekend.

:)

Official word from Pittsburgh is "no evidence of disease" and all blood work is normal

no news still

I STILLLLLLLLL haven't heard from Dr. Bartlett regarding my scan but that's because they stil haven't received it.  The disc I overnighted to them was blank (SOOOOO annoying) and the disc the imaging center sent never arrived so I need to go pick up another disc and resend.

I did get some blood work back. I had to get one retested because it came back elevated.  I am supposed to omit a bunch of food out of my diet prior to the test, which I didn't and we are hoping that is why it was elevated.  I hope to get the new results back soon.  I am saving freaking out until those results come in elevated.

Another tumor marker came back normal, but the four times I've had it drawn the levels have been .6, 1.1, 2 and now 2.4.  normal is 0-6.  I am very concerned that it is going up every time.  I hope to hear Dr. Bartlett's take on that soon.

Quick update

I still haven't gotten confirmation from Dr. Bartlett that was scan was NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE.  Local radiologist have stated that it was NED but I want that clearance from Dr Bartlett. 

5 months down

Tomorrow is June 1st.  I can't believe we are already 5 months into 2014, but then again, so much has happened this year!!!

I've been to Vegas, LA, Boise, Ft. Lauderdale, Houston, Boston, all over Michigan, Toledo, Indianapolis, Atlanta, Savannah, Jacksonville, Orlando and I'm headed back to Ft. Lauderdale this week, then Savannah and Jacksonville next week, then I'm off to Boston again, then Vegas again, then Puerto Rico, Sarasota, San Fransisco and Napa Valley, Boston again, Houston again and possibly finishing the year with Colorado and Mexico!!!!  I absolutely love traveling.  I love submerging myself into someone else's every day normal environment.  To me, I'm in a completely different place and to them, it's just another day.

I'm about 6 weeks into my new job.  I LOVE IT.  I am working in the pulmonary endoscopy division with Boston Scientific and I feel beyond blessed.  I have met so many wonderful people and I am a part of a great team.  I am excited to go to work every day.   This job is an answer to prayer and I am so very thankful to have this opportunity.

Ava is 5 days away from finishing kindergarten.  My baby girl is growing so fast.  7 years ago the idea of being a mother was slowly sinking in as the morning sickness was setting in.  And now my sweet girl is 6 years old, she's losing her baby teeth, she tells me all about life, fashion and the world from her sweet, innocent perspective.  And my baby boy isn't a baby anymore.  Mr. Liam, which is what he calls himself, is a super hero, loving little boy.  He is cuddly and squeaky.  I am holding on to any last bit of "baby" that I can.   I still rock him and sing to him and it never fails that half way through "twinkle twinkle" we both start cracking up because of how silly it is that I am rocking this big, almost 4 year old boy in my arms.  We laugh so hard that I almost cry.  It's such a silly moment and so, so special.  The best part is that I can tell that he aboslutey loves when I sing to him.  Before the laughter sets in, he stares into my eyes and the comfort and joy it must bring him literally seeps out of his tiny voice through little sighs and "hmmms".  It's sort of hard to explain but despite it turning into a silly moment, there's a few minutes of absolute bliss between us.

Lastly, I have a scan coming up.  I have been feeling the anxiety creeping in.  I know there's no reason to be worried, but it is nerve racking.  I meet with my oncologist this coming Thursday and I'm hoping to fit my scan in Friday.  Once the scan is complete, I'll pick up the discs, overnight them to Dr. Bartlett and PRAY that there is still No Evidence of Disease.  I'll also do the normal tumor marker blood tests and some other random cancer urine and blood tests.  I will be so relieved to have this round behind me.  Please pray that I am still cancer free.

I suppose that's it for now. I will definitely update once the scan results are in.

As we enter the 6th month of 2014 let's not take a day for granted.  Enjoy the simple things in life.  Acknowledge all of the beauty in our world.  Do one thing a day that makes YOU happy.  Do many things for other's happiness.  And be thankful for where you are today.

Me and Ava at the pool Memorial Day weekend. She loves doing "selfies"

Liam was so tired he passed out holding onto me. What a sweet angel. 

Birthday and other Big Things :)

THIS IS THE 100th POST! Holy cow!!


Hi Everyone,

It's been a little while but things with Me have been really great.  Life has been busy!!  I have been in the phase of "things settling down" for the past 8 weeks or so.  The last 17 months have been CRAZY.  Obviously my world was turned upside down with the diagnosis in November of 2012.  Then the next many months I was trying to balance my health, family and career.  Then Sean and I decided to get a divorce. Then I began my life as a single parent which included a move.  Nevertheless, I've been busy!  But, I can humbly say I am more blessed than I desrve and I am happy.

The past 8 weeks or so have been a little difficult.  I was on a high in December after finding out I am officially cancer free and the newness of living alone again (when I don't have the kids) "settled"down a bit too.....another new phase began, I felt a bit lonely.  Don't get me wrong, I am not actually lonely.  I stay busy with Ava and Liam (when they are with me), work, I exercise a lot and I try to see friends as often as I can.  I think it has just been the reality of this new life settling in.  One great lesson cancer taught me is how to quickly become comfortable with things I can not control.  I still feel normal emotions...... I can just process through them much faster than I ever had in the past.  I'm enjoying my life now that it has slowed to a "normal" pace.

I started the 100happyday challange. You can follow my 100 days on Instagram if you'd like.  My username is Jenesak and #Jwhappydance should bring up all of the photos so far.  It is such a good way to find at least one thing a day to be happy about.   I have no trouble at all doing this and often find it difficult to just choose one a day.

 http://100happydays.com/

Also, Monday was my 33rd birthday:-) I had an amazing day and feel so grateful for all of the birthday celebrations and birthday wishes.

Lastly, I am beyond excited and feel extremely blessed to announce that after over 9 years with Merck I have accepted a position with another company. I am no longer going to be in the pharmaceutical sales field and will be transitioning over to medical device wtih an incredible company.  I am so thankful for this opportunity and can not wait to begin this new journey.

The most thankful...... ever!!!!

The past few days I have been extra thankful for my life.  Oddly, this past week was pretty stressful with normal life stuff but instead of letting thoses stresses bring me down or even stress me out, I was able to embrace all that is so perfect in my life.  It's such a great feeling to appreciate everything that life has to offer.  I'm so humbled that I can do this because I see so many people take so much for granted.  Lets all slow down and enjoy the little, tiny blessings we all have in our life!!!  (Like right now... I'm watching Liam and Ava eat their homemade blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes... Ava is dancing and singing the Frozen soundtrack and Liam is playing with his new favorite toy, Batman.  They are just the sweetest EVER!!)