that time again

It's that time again!  Scan day is 4/30.  I can't believe it's time again, but I do live in these 6 months increments between scans.  I'm feeling ok.  Of course my heart dropped immediately as I scheduled the scan but I'm feeling ok.  Technically Dr. Bartlett doesn't think I need the scans every 6 months anymore but because of the carcinoid I have 6 month scans for another 2.5 years.  I can barely wrap my head around it being 2.5 years since diagnosis.  Craziness.

Life has been really great.  I celebrated my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I had a wonderful day spent with family and friends.  Spring time is my favorite time of the year and 2015's spring has been delivering.  I have spent many days with the kids at the beach, been to so many fun events and I am heading to Mexico in less than two weeks for a yoga retreat.  I am so excited.

I'll definitely write again after the scan results are in and after my trip.

Stay well.

2014- You out-did yourself!

Dear 2014, 

Thank-you.  Thank-you for taking my breath away countless times, for the experiences I'll never forget, for taking me places I've never been and for bringing me back to places that I love.  Thank-you for my amazing family who I treasure with every ounce of my soul especially my two healthy, beautiful children, Ava and Liam.  Thank-you for friends that have been with me throughout the years and for the incredible new friends I made in 2014.  Thank-you for my health. I am completely humbled by the countless blessings I received in 2014 and am beyond excited and optimistic for an amazing 2015.  I have a very good feeling about what's to come!!

This is one of my favorite posts to write.  What an honor it is to sit back and reflect over the past year.   I vividly remember sitting on my sofa last New Years Eve as I wrote my reflection on 2013.  That was a tough year and I remember my thoughts and wonder as I wrote how despite the tough months that were behind me and the uncertainty of the future I was hopeful.    It almost brings me to tears as I reflect on 2014.  Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined a better year.

I know good fortune, God's grace, luck or whatever you want to call it is part of the reason for such an amazing year but I do take some credit.  Creating an open mind, positive intentions and willing to experience whatever life threw at me, to me, had a tremendous effect on my year.  I was a "yes man" (or yes woman)  I didn't waver on a decision, I went after new experiences, I put myself "out there" and I soaked in every day as if it were my last.

So what advise do I have for 2015.  Simply live in the present.  Never let fear impact your decisions or life.  Fear is fake.  Try many new things.  Challange yourself.  Don't take yourself or anyone too seriously.  Exercise.  Travel.  Dance.  Laugh.  Volunteer.  LOVE Big and LIVE Big.

Happy New Year  and CHEERS to 2015!!

A major change up

I heard from Dr Bartlett's office today and the official word regarding my scan is no evidence of disease!!!!!  And they are recommending annual scans from now on with semiannual blood work! I don't know how I feel about that but I'm so relieved.

2 YEARS!!

Today is 2 years since my entire world changed.  If someone were to tell me two years and one day ago where I'd be today, I'd tell them they were crazy!  A double cancer diagnosis, 3 surgeries, a divorce, two moves, new job and a whole lot of other stuff thrown in the mix..... Yes, I'd tell them they were absolutely crazy.
But, the craziest part is despite all that craziness, I am so  incredibly happy.  I've learned more about life in the past two years then most people do in a lifetime..   I know how abundantly blessed I am to have my health, my family and my friends.   I know tomorrow isn't guaranteed to anyone so I live  BIG each day, I take nothing for granted and I have so much hope and optimism for tomorrow.
I'm writing this from my iPhone, in JFK airport on my way back from Diem's funeral.  I'm exhausted, mostly emotionally but physically too.   But today is a big day and I will celebrate.
Thank you for all of your prayers throughout the past two years.  My next scan is on December 2nd.  Please pray for clear scans and bloodwork.  I'm  nervous but believe everything will be normal.

Lots of love.

heartbreak

My heart was broken today.   There isn't a word in my vocabulary for the amount of sorrow I feel.  Losing a friend is never easy.  Losing a friend at such a young age is absoulutely absurd. But losing a friend to cancer is enough to make my heart break into a million pieces.  It hits so close to home.  I have been trying to live through the minutes of today without a major breakdown but the moment I was alone in my home I lost it.  Diem, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you were robbed of a long life.  It's so unfair.  I just don't understand why this had to happen.   I am so thankful that I knew you.  That I was touched by your sweet soul.   The footprint you left on this world is deep and unforgetable.

where's that switch?

I've been in need of that switch.... you know, the one that shuts off your mind.   I'm still over a month away from my next scan but the anxiety is already here.  I am still pretty good at managing these annoying emotions.  It's amazing how far I've come.  However, I'm still human and I still struggle with dealing with my reality of being a cancer survivor and what all that really means.  Just today I thought about a conversation I had with one of my best friends right after I found out my diagnosis and within seconds of the thought, my eyes filled with tears. It's all still so fresh and raw and still BLOWS my mind.  I know that's why I have been feeling concern and worry and anxiety over the upcoming yet routine tests.  I know I'll be ok... that the scans and blood work will be normal......  I just have to get through them.

Life-  oh life has been so great.  I am so happy. So fulfilled.  I feel abundantly blessed and am in awe of how much my life has changed and how so much has fallen into place.  My family and friends are amazing, loving and loyal.  My children are my world.  They are so sweet and fun and they are absolutely the best part of my life.  My new job is awesome.  It's fun and every day is different.  I love my product, my team, my manager and the company.  My new home is coming along.   I have traveled and have some other trips planned.  There are literally moments when I am almost brought to tears (yes, that happens often) because I am so happy.  And it's not just those amazing "big" moments that bring me to tears, but sometimes it's the simplest pink sunset or gorgeous, breezy day.  I just love living and feeling life.  That is the gift cancer can give and I cherish that I get to live the rest of my life truly LIVING,

November 19th will be 2 years.  2 YEARS!!!    It feels like it's been longer yet I can't believe it's been two years already.  I am going to do something amazing that day.  Anyone have any ideas?  If so please share!

That's it for now.

a quick hello

This year is going by ridiculously fast.  I can't believe it's almost October.  I vividly remember New Years day and really feel like it was yesterday.  So much has happened since my last post so I'll try to catch up a bit.

August was a busy month.  Ava and Liam wrapped up summer camp and Ava started first grade and Liam started his preschool class.  They both love school so much.  I had a big trip to San Fransisco and Napa/Sonoma planned for Hannah's bachelorette weekend and I came down with a horrible head cold the day before I left.  I rallied through the 6 day event and had a blast.  Northern California is amazing and I will go back any chance I can.  Over the last year I have rented an amazing home is South Tampa. I love that house so much buy knew I couldn't stay there forever.  I had been casually looking all year for a home to buy but every time I found one there was an offer on it already or it wasn't what I was looking for.  My Pilates instructor and friend found this adorable 1926 bungalow in the perfect location and all stars aligned and I closed on my new home earlier this month.  It's been stressful but the kids love it and I feel so blessed to have a home for Ava and Liam.  But the stress has gotten to me as I'm sick AGAIN!  This time it's in my chest and I feel awful but I can't really slow down because work is busy and Hannah's wedding is next weekend.  I'm resting as much as possible.  I'm not sure why but I have been sick so often this year.  I had the seasonal flu in early February, a bad case of strep throat in March, the Stomach bug in July, and this makes the 3rd cold.... it worries me that my immune system isn't keeping up but I do work in the health care environment and I have been on the go this year.   I've been thinking a lot about my upcoming scan in November.  It's odd to live in 6 month increments.  Life is good though.   Every day I am thankful for "today".   I count all of my blessing twice and can say I am enjoying life to the fullest.